Thursday, August 14, 2008

Catching up on some email

Ah Thursday's. How I love them so. Most people look forward to Friday and the end of the week. Not me. Friday tends to be pretty hectic for me around here. In the mornings I need to go over to the accounting group and decide which freelancers we're going to hold off paying and after that I have to walk around the office and glad hand the schleps in the studio. I swear all this pretending to care is exhausting. 

But not on Thursdays. No sir. Thursdays are set aside for some me time. I roll in around 8:30 and hit the zen room. I usually need a good hour to get my head on straight. After that it's over to my office and I spend the morning catching up on emails. Not my emails mind you, no no. I do that all week. Thursdays are my day to read employee emails. Man is that fun.

Of course if there's anything critical happening, Glenna brings that to me right away. Can't let those little fuckers get too restless, you know? I remember this one time how those idiots in the NY office were griping to each other about how their office sucks and they get left out of things and wah wah wah. Whiners. Don't they realize I'm giving them an oasis from that God forsaken hell hole of a city they live in?

Glenna burst into my office in a panic. "I think we have a problem, we really should think about how we can improve morale up there" she said. It's hard to tell when she's kidding or serious because her face is that strange orange color, but the furrow of her eyebrows gave her away. As soon as she knew I was on to her we both burst out laughing.

"I almost had you there" she said, practically crying with laughter. "Improve morale...." We laughed about that one for weeks.

But back to the task at hand. Scan the emails, read the IM's. Look over the report on who's posted their resume where... Man, lots of unhappy employees. It may be time for another town hall. I love those. Rand came up with the idea actually. Hold a meeting and call it an 'open forum' and ask for questions. Give some half assed explanations about problems within the company and ask for feedback, then sit back and find out who all the dissidents are. It really helps weed out the bad apples. Glenna and I then put their names on a list and in a few weeks we find a reason to get rid of them. Usually we call it a layoff, but sometimes not.

Rand is fucking brilliant about stuff like this. He comes up with these Jedi mind tricks all the time. He's got this thing called the drama triangle. It's basically a bunch of buzzwords that make the group believe that anyone who complains is emotionally broken and shouldn't be trusted. The more you bitch, the less functional you become. We've gotten it to the point where anyone who complains usually gets vilified by members of their own team. It's so obviously Orwellian I'm surprised no one has figured it out. That's the brilliance of Rand. Fuck them right in their own assholes. I swear, if he were working for the Germans in the 1940's the Jews would have been killing

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