Tuesday, September 23, 2008

There is no spoon

I had one of those giant circular fish tanks put in at the house the other day. You know the kind, floor to ceiling salt water, all kinds of exotic fish. I filled it with various colorful creatures, but my crown jewel is a small Bala Shark I affectionately named Hensley. Although it's the oddest thing. Everyone told me this kind of shark was docile, but each morning I come out and there's another half eaten carcass at the bottom of the tank. I know its her. I can always tell which fish she's angling to eat because she always seems to act nice to it for a while, but then when I'm not looking, chomp chomp. I tap my finger on the glass like 'I know it's you' but she just looks back at me with those cold, lifeless eyes.

Aquarian homicide aside, fish tanks remind me of that movie The Matrix, you know, one completely artificial reality contained within another. I watch it all the time, but, am I the only one who roots for the machines? I mean, they provide a world for the humans to live in, thrive in and have their needs met and all they have to do is just lay there. My wife and I have had this arrangement for years and it's worked out just fine, why do these fucksticks feel the need to get all uppity? To make matters worse, that miscreant Neo hacks into the system and starts breeding all sorts of discontent, encouraging people to leave their jobs, broadcasting messages of how their insignificant lives will be better, blah blah blah. If those fuckers knew how good they had it, they would jam those probes back into their meager little skulls and thank their lucky stars to have such benevolent masters. I would have shut the whole damn system down and started over, but hey, I'm a nose to spite my face kind of guy.

Perhaps there are ways I can bring some automation into my own little matrix. After all, machines do what they're told, right? I did some poking around the net and I think I've at least
found replacements for most of our account staff, I'm guessing many of our clients wouldn't even realize we made the switch, and as an added bonus, they're completely reusable. Now THAT'S what I call sustainable marketing!

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