Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I'm addicted to Mad Men

It's true. I watch that shit religiously. You would think that a show set in the 50's couldn't really teach much to an industry icon like myself, but after watching Don Draper in action, I'm totally inspired. He has this little intercom buzzer on his desk, to call his secretary (his girl, as they say on the show) and I'll never forget this one scene where he buzzes her.. "yes, Mr. Draper?" and then he fires her. God that made me hot. New rule. From now on everybody calls me Fake Mr. Levy. And I'm having those buzzers installed on every desk. This probably means I can get rid of most of the HR group and I can't think of a better way to break in those buzzers. I believe that is the epitome of the term "win-win."

Anyway, sorry for the lack of posts lately, but I've been completely absorbed with the presidential race. I stay up all night watching CNN to get my fill, and I'm totally smitten for John McCain. I've never thought one person could be so awe inspiring and that I would so completely identify with him.

Ability to change his story whenever it fits? Check. Lies to large crowds with a straight face? Double check. Female rottweiler of a #2 who will stab anyone in the back to get ahead? Triple-A fucking check. It's like I'm looking in the philosophical mirror.

I've never had illusions of being anything more than the greatest marketer that ever lived, but if Johnny Mac holds serve, I'm totally going to run. Levy/Hecht in 2016!

So I'm up late last night re-watching the McCain nomination speech on my Tivo when my cell rings. It was Alan and he starts blabbing on about how he's quitting and how the time is right and honestly I can't stand when he goes on like this because between you and me he's quit like 10 times already.

So I tell him, Alan, buddy, you can't leave. Who's better than you? Nobody, thats who. That shit you do in pitches with your giant Slurpee? Classic. Clients eat that shit up. It's like you're so cool you can't even be bothered to care. You're the Amy fucking Winehouse of marketing.

I quickly text Glenna. Code Red. The Walrus is defecting. You would think I'd be more worried about this than I am, but hey, when people leave here on a daily fucking basis you kind if get used to it. In any event I'll need to find a replacement post haste. The secret to finding a good ECD is straightforward enough, just find someone who can spout off as many buzz words as possible. Clients love that. Plus, you need someone who is bat shit arrogant and never misses an opportunity to take credit for other people's work. It makes other creatives try harder. You'd think those would be hard shoes to fill,
but I know just the guy. As an added bonus, he tends to talk about himself in the 3rd person. I tried that for a while... Fake Doug is going to change marketing.... Fake Doug cares about you... Fake Doug thinks your services are no longer needed. Turns out I don't have the voice to pull it off. Apparently, it's all in the inflection.

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